You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
