the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
