I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
