Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
