so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
