I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
