i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
