He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
