Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
