why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
