Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
