your parents love me but you hate me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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