dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
