mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
