Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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