he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
