cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
