my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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