I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize