I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
