I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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