ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
