She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
