someone threw a dead crab at me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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