I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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