wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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