He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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