i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
