So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
