Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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