So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
