Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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