I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize