I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
