you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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