Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
