But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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