Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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