I didn't shave. On purpose
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
