Me too!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
