You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
