dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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