Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
