evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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