they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
The ass gains better be worth it
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