is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
