so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
