What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You have to summon your inner elephant
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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