i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
