I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
