I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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