im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
