Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
