corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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