One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
