I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
