just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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