Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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