Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
