things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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