I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
