I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
