Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
