I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize