My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
