I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
