i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I can't turn off my feet"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
