we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
