Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
