We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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