In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize