I wish i was in the wii world.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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