Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
