True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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