but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
