And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
