capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
