It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I want to be your penis for a week.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
