I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
