I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
