i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
tell me about the eggs
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