even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
