Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
