Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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