Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize