I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Let's get the cat blown out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
