This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
