You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize