it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Randomize
