I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
