WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
