I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Fuck appropriateness.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
