What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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