I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
