is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
