Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
