I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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