your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
