i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
