I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
