then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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