That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
