i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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