I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
