How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
