Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
