When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I will pee on everything he values.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
