so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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