In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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